Nightmare
Finally, exams are over. I can say that it is the worst exam I’ve ever had in my years of study, due to the lousy schedule (papers on consecutive days). The last exam before graduation usually matters most to a lot of students because it is usually of greatest weightage, but for many of us, all the hopes and aspirations to do well for the final battle seemed to have diminished to zero on the eve of each paper. Ironically, all we had on our minds were ways on how to get pass the border so as not to do too badly or fail. It is no wonder because sleepless nights and mental fatigue had driven us to a corner. Only those whose aspirations and determination were stronger than anything else had the discipline to perform constantly well for exams.
It seemed that my nightmare was over, after days of intensive journal and notes reading, and sleeping for 1.5 hrs on average on the eve of each paper, but sad to say, following the exams are our final year projects = more journal reading! Arrgh, just when I thought I could finally take a break.
Frankly speaking, I am not in the mood for doing research now, and fortunately, my present task is just a project that would last for 5 months, and not a permanent job. I think I really need a break from all these intensive "brain-digging" activities. I finally understand why my chosen subject of study has proven to be so tough - because it requires a lot of imagination and visualizing on our part, besides trying to understand the kind of english used in some journal papers!! All in all, we are like translators of language into visualization = linguistic + imagination skills (furthermore, at different specific levels). This is no joke, for it is unusually taxing on the brain. Do this for 4 long years + exams - I sometimes wonder how any human can take this kind of life? When I think back, it seems like quite a feat for me to have gone through all this (given my nua3 character), although there are also many fields out there which are more challenging than mine.
My heart tells me that I am tired and worn out, so I guess I would take at least a month’s break after my project - to just relax and maybe take up a temp job (not research), while thinking about what I want to do next. If I plunge into a research job right away, I may not do it well because I cannot concentrate.
Right now, I keep "psycho-ing" myself to do my best for my project. It is an interesting project, just that I feel really drained and wish to rest and do anything except research for the time being - to recharge. The good news is, that is impossible (wahaha), so I am trying my very best to strike a balance between project and relaxation now. It is not easy, but I will grit my teeth and hang on! Ok lah, must say some encouraging words at the end - there is still some reward - the kind of satisfaction of having brought your knowledge to another level after years of brain damage haha. Just treat it as a viking adventure ride (i.e., it would definitely end at some point of time - how encouraging). Sigh, c’est la vie …
