Light From the Tunnel?
Life is certainly not a bed of roses, but it can be worse as it is sometimes covered with thorns. Lately I have no choice but to ask myself if there are certain principles or values which I should give up in compromise for some things. These values have been nurtured as I become older, hence I firmly believe in them and hope that they would be part of my life. However, sometimes life is really cruel and you are forced to make a choice between certain important things and these values you so treasure.
Fate has somehow decided that I should not have these values and that I have to learn to bear with the pain. I am not ready to give them up and succumb to living life in a compromising and absurd way (at least I think it is still unacceptable for now), but still, reality has shown me that things are not going to change for the better. I have only two options, one is to give up certain things in exchange for my values and the other is vice versa.
I am probably going to try to psycho myself in living life differently, although I am honestly not ready to do so. Because of this, many misunderstandings have arisen and I can’t seem to get my message across, no matter how hard I try. These events brought me a lot of anger and hurt, and drove me to my limits. The only reason I can think of for my persistence is that these values mean a lot to me, they are almost my life.
The only way out now is to not think of the problem as this thing has already taken up most of my time and energy, so further dwelling on it would bring disaster. Nowadays I constantly feel tired, have become really numb, and have no mood to focus on anything, which is quite bad. I think I shall just shelve this thing for the time being and give myself some peace. I shall numb myself till I wake up from this long break.
Maybe I would see the light after taking a rest?
October 5th, 2006 at 2:59 am
*pass u a torch*